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Bramwell Cadavaghan's
Crypt-tickle Poesie Page

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A Word About
Our
Minor Dead Romance Poet

Bramwell Cadavaghan, our favourite Minor Dead Romance Poet, has been walking the earth for hundreds of years delighting audiences with tales from his life's adventures and many deaths. Indeed, his following has grown immensely since the advent of the Internet. Although his actual date of birth and country of origins have never been established, it is rumoured that he hails from the British isles, possibly Scotland. Now a "citizen at large", Bramwell is gainfully employed at the Cadavers 'R Us funeral home adjacent to the Evermore Cemetery where he reposes by day in his king-sized crypt. Bramwell occasionally refers to "the Missus", but it is obvious to even the most casual observer that Ebb McFlow is his true love and Muse. His love sonnets to her are a touching reminder of the Spirit of Romance as well as testament to his unquenchable "joie de mort".

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A Word From
Our
Minor Dead Romance Poet

Genteel Readers,

Mine Ebby does love to spoil me (as if I don't spoil enough on me own, especially in the summer sun but that's another tale). Here I have my own grave site on the wicked world web and my hand be trembling fer joy  like it does when it rests on mine Ebby's teat durin' the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Aye, that be when I furst set mine eyes on my beloved. Aye, she come out o' the floor boards like a vaporous wraith wearin' naught but a gauzey black gown an' I could not help but observe wit unwary eyez that she wiz sans panties!

The rest be history, writ an' unwrit.

yer servant,

Bramwell

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Dedicated to Me Darling Ebby

I rot only for thee,

Bramwell

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Sonnet for Ebby

Deare Ebby, what wiz wonce me fingres an' toez
longs t' hold ye in these armes so true
T' inhale yer essence wit me crumblin' noze
an' t' kiss ye wit lips trunned horrid blue.

Sweet Ebby, tho Angels may hae shunn'd thar back
an' chosen not t' play fer ye thar song,
I'll sing fer ye trooly thru cough an' hack
any melody fer which yer soul should long.

Mine Ebby who dwellest in shallow graeve
hast thar ever been sooch a sight so faire
As when ye rise up every evenin' save
fer when ye pull the wormes out frum yer haire?

Though thar isn't much left o' me poore poore heart
I'll give unto ye me rotted manly part!

Ebb and Bramwell Roundezvous in the Parisian Catacombs

Minor Dead Romance Poet
Plans Dinner with Someone Special !


Deare Ebby, woodst I could take yer kidney
an' bake it tendre in the sweetest pie
Wit flakiest croost an' spice frum Sydney
garnished in the middel wit yer lovely eye.

But if it happen to be yer birthday
then a candle you'll be wantin' to blow,
So I'll cut off me pinky fingre, yea
an' light it me love for to glow.

Yer kidney an' me fingre will last
long enuf for a splendid feast
Which we'll savor as honest true repast
not carnage frum unworthy beast.

An' yer beautiful eye I'll carry with me
Frum hill an' dale thru sand an' sea.

Bramwell's Custom Carved Coffin

Minor Dead Romance Poet
Recalls Exacting Revenge!


Wonce I revenged that bastard Count
who cheated me out o' me fares,
Fukked wi' his deare departed Aunt
whilst he wiz a-chapel unawares.

He lit a candle for her soul
whilst I lifted up her gown
An' saw her Ladyship all a-glow
wit me juices I didst drown.

'Tis not such a terrible thing
giving honour to the dead
Especially if whilst a-living
they never did wonce "to bed".

So judge me not where I sow my seed
Lest in death ye find some greater need.

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Minor Dead Romance Poet
Explains Why the Hate

Ye may ask yerself most sadly
   why these villagers show such hate-
While I treated no living man poorly
   there's someone in ev'ry family whom I ate.

I ne'er touched a corpse what looked saintly
  or had the countenance of a child,
O'er their bodies I'd say a liddel prayer
   and leave them peaceful undefiled.

And I ne'er stabbed a man in the back
   or walloped 'im over the head;
If I be strook by a ragin' Hungre Attack
   I'd look see who wiz recently dead.

Then I'd take me knife an' spoon
   and carve out a meaty part
Enuff to make a grave-digger swoon
   or the hang-man faint of heart!

Did the Lord not make man finest meat
>From top of head to soles of feet?

Creatures of the Night Drop over for a Bite

Minor Dead Romance Poet
Reminisces on his Hanging!


Did I ever tell ye aboot the tyme
they hung me fer me terrible crime?
The Bishop had died that week in Brussels
and whilst in the vestry I ate out his arsehole.

It looked so temptin', a petit-four
a tasty treat what left me beggin' fer more!
But I wiz caught red-handed wit bollucks in gravy
and sentenced to die by Her Majesty's Navy.

Fearsome wiz the paine as the scaffold gave way
and fer once in me life I started to pray
- "Hae mercy, O Lord!" I cried wit a yap
as me neck wrenched hard an' I heard a loud *snap*.

But the knot was loose an' the rope was shoddy
So I wiz good as new after the Missus' toddy.

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Minor Dead Romance Poet
Reminisces on his Beheading


Did I tell ye the time they chopped off me head?
It plunked way too loud in the bowl.
But unknownst to them I wasn't quite dead
tho they screamed when it started t' roll.

The blood gushin' out were a terrible sight
wit th' ooze seepin' downe frum me shouldre;
Our poore witness had such a horrible fright
when it thundered towards like a bouldre.

Me head by then were lost all control
so they op'ned the door to let it out -
It bounc'd off the wall and slowed to a stroll
an' rejoined me torso wit a lood shout.

Though ye take off me head wi' intent so fain
Yer attempts to decapitate will be in vain!

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Sharin the Nude Whirl of Poultry
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to Return to

Sharin' the Nude Whirl of Poultry

 

Tracy McGimmeSomme

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to Visit the

Tracy McGimmesome Tribute Page


Ebb's Necrotic Poetry
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to Visit

Ebb's Necrotic Whirl

 

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Click on  Spaceship Earth
to Visit the

Special Guest Poet Page

Dazed and Confused
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to visit

Thoughts of the Dazed

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Click on the Comfy Coffin
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Night of the Living Dead

Poetry Contest Winners

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to visit

Ebb's Manic Romantic Whirl

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Click on the Green Horn to Visit the Inspiration for these Pages

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